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This craze is sweeping the nation, and I don’t understand it. Friends came back from Spring Break all wearing Fitbits, and they told me to get one so that I could take part in their weekly competition. The winner each week is awarded custody of a repurposed trophy. It’s all kinds of supportive if you’re looking to be more physically active.

This might have appealed to me, if it didn’t involve electronics. I keep the GPS on my phone turned off because I’m certain the government and big business is gathering data on my whereabouts. A Fitbit knows where you are and what you’re doing. It has access to your vitals, like heartbeat and sleep patterns. I find this immensely creepy.

Do government and secret conspiracies exist? I don’t know, but unless I see proof to the contrary, I’m not ruling it out. If a Squatch can hide for all this time, so can a clandestine society that secretly controls the government, media, and all of us. Call me crazy, but I won’t ever wear a Fitbit. Nobody needs to know how much time I spend sitting on the sofa watching TV or typing on my laptop.

I’ll go for a walk with you, but only if you leave the Fitbit home.

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